So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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