he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
