i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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