I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
