please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
