Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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