You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
