His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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