It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
