How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
