I skipped work to stalk him.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
