Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
