hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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