You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
