just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are two peas in an std pod
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
