My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize