Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
