so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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