obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
