If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
