Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
