she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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