The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
that is very illegal...i love you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
