Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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