FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
