Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
