Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
