ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
