Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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