I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
