mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
