Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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