I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Holy sore nipples Batman
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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