I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't turn off my feet"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
