I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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