Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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