I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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