They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
