I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
