At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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