so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
