does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
