Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
