My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
