I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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