Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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