I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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