I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I bet he comes in French.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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