i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
