hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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