i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
