The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
