we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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