Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
