she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
