I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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