I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
