So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
