erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
