The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
