My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
