Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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