Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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