Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
