Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
