i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
