Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
