What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Welp...herpes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
