Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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