I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
