He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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