we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
