It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
