you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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