And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
