I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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