I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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